Ok, so I must be the worst friend on teh face of the earth. Today was LR's last day at two strikes and the plans were in place in for drinking and socializing... Well, I never showed up. Let em explain and offer my excuses...

1. My daughter, 2, awoke in a shrill scream at 1:20am and mommy went to her resuce until 5:00am when daddy took over. (We had just gone to bed at midnight.) So, I was up from 1:20am until 5:00am and I had to be out of bed to leave for work by 6:15am. Meaning, I was going on 2 hours of sleep give or take 20 minutes.

2. I humbly admit, I did in fact learn somethign from the mistake free grammar and proofreading class yesterday. Although, I am embarassed to go into public with the people of my agnecy. We wen tout to lunch ( I was the only whitey in the group) and out of the 6 others, 5 of them were RUDE to the waitress. And then none of them expcept me left a tip and I only left $2 on my $5 tab. That sucks.

3. The husband and I were arguing last evening when I got hoem from work becuase I am a bad wife and mother and I worry about my friends, school and work more than my family. I don't think this is true, but it could be. Perhaps I am really no better than my own mother who abandoned my father and I when I was only 18 months old. She was not ready to settle and ran away with a country rock band. (How sad it had to be a "Country" rock band and not just a rock band). So, I continue to question my mothering and wifing abilities.

3. I am jealous! I want to start over somewhere... I want to leave Two Strikes and start fresh and new. I am jealous that LR and Cav get ot do this! I will be lost in the abyss of my desk and mounds of meaningless paperwork for another year. I do love what I do, but you can only put so many holes in somethign before it completely deflates. I have made three dear friends at work that I hope will always be in my life. One is still in Pgh. and just bought a house near me, but she is so busy. the other two are moving away. I am sure other people will come along, but I thrive on having someone to talk to at work. There are people there to talk to, but are any of them owrth talking to? Nah.

So, LR, I am again sorry. At elast I got to chat with you briefly last night. Cav, I tried calling I was going to come out later, but you never answered so I slept... a whole 10 hours! Wow! I havn't gotten that much sleep in months!
posted by Charolette at 10:15 AM

Why is it that I have the complete ability to annoy the shit out of people?
Why is it that I am irked by my own incompetence?
Why is it that I am such a fucking hypocrit (or however you spell it)?

I wonder every day how I manage to always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I find wonderful people to establish wonderful friendships with and it never fails, somehow I screw it up. No one thing I want to address today, but I have come to teh conclusion that if I were my friend I would annoy me.

Ok, so I committed the Cardinal sin today. I screwed up HRP paycheck. Rule one when I started payroll was- "Do not screw up HRP's paycheck." I did just the that. I had it fixed in 10 minutes, but her words did months of damage. Just when I was feeling some confidence in my job I had to screw up just ever so slightly to break down any "trust" that may have been established in my abilities.
I did attempt to redeem myself and swallow my pride. I apologized and said I had made a horrible error and I would take extreme caution in future payrolls so there would not be an error again. I then called F/OM to leave him a message of the events. So I could attempt to salvage my position. F/OM being the wonderful supervisor that he is left me a VM back saying we all make mistakes and unfortunately this happened but I can't beat myself up over this. He is so good at damage control, perhaps from years of doing just that to his own pride and confidence. I wish he could go out on his own. I would take a pay cut to be his assistant in his own place. Just so he could get out and do what he would truly be wonderful at- being his own boss! Anyway, so his message allowed me to release the tears of stress I have been holding within for a couple months. I don't normally cry, but I almost felt as though I were crying for F/OM, Cav, LR, EWB and anyone else who has ever worked within the gates of hell. AssTwit made a funny comment today. She said I don't know how to tell HRP this without losing my job, but she needs mental health treatment. I just sat and laughed in my head. Then as usual she shook her finger at me and said- don't you dare tell anyone I said that, I will just deny it. She knows how to play the game. I fear I will become her new friend once Cav leaves... She always refers to everbody as "those people". I am sure you may be able to figure this out why. She also insists she is not safe in our neighborhood and refuses to work after dark. Again, I laugh... to htink I am the one who got accused of only talking to white people... Ironic.

Then onto my hypocrite comment... well, I have become what I hate... I talk about everyone behind their back. The only redeeming factor. I don't talk about the people I like!

posted by Charolette at 6:36 PM

Had a friendly evening last night. Must first say I had the opportunity to meet Lab Rat's SO and I must say, way to go Lab Rat. Cav made a graceful and memorable appearance. CTL called me a lady so he is aok in my book at this point. Additionally BB made his way over and he is as wonderful as ever. I will never know why I didn't marry him instead... Two of my husbands friends came over who we had not seen in 2 years. Was very nice to see them. They were each in our wedding and the one guy is getting married in October. Not sure what he is thinking...

I must address my complete change of personality when I am with Cav. She brings out my secret side. Why is that Cav? Do you enjoy causing trouble? Unfortunately I become this almost sex crazed (talking not doing) fool that tends to make the most inappropriate comments at the worst times. I also became very brave when my own game of "I never" came back to bite me in the ass. Truth, lying... I admitted too much of the truth. Shame on me in my younger years.
posted by Charolette at 7:59 AM